Joel's Fascinating Excuses

and his stories and excuses are some of the most entertaining I have ever heard.

The Pea Sandwich

Joel decided he wanted to eat a sandwich that was just made out of peas, so his mother said okay, but he would have to eat it all. About 2 bites into the sandwich, Joel decides it isn't near as flavourful as he thought it was going to be. He then claims he can't eat it as it is giving him a terrible headache. I start laughing and Joel gets quite upset with me, claiming his headache is killing him.

After a while the battle dies down, and we carry on. A couple of days later it is April 1 and I came home after nightshift. Joel is getting ready for school when I call him over to me and tell him I have an apology to make. He gets a sparkle in his eyes and says "What?" I tell Joel I was watching breaking news on CNN and they were doing a story about 3 delegates at the UN. " Joel, these 3 guys were sitting down eating pea sandwiches, when their heads EXPLODED!". A big smile comes across his face, and he says, "Really?".

I said,

"No, April Fools and I still think you're full of prunes!"

The Dangers of Cardboard

I asked Joel to take out the garbage one evening, two bags and a couple of empty boxes. I think his whole reason was that he didn't want to venture out in the dark. "Well Mike, I don't mind taking out the garbage bags, but I can't do the cardboard". "Why is that, Joel?" I asked. " Cardboard will blow away and someone will get hurt". "How is anyone going to get hurt, even if it did blow away which it won't." I asked.

Not to be outdone, Joel entered into a long winded diatribe about how it could blow away and into the street. "Cardboard is very slippery." he told me " I don't want some lady to come along and step on it and fall and badly hurt herself". On top of that he added, " A car could come along and run over the box causing it to slide all over and crash, and I don't want to be to blame for someone getting hurt or killed".

How do you argue with that kind of logic?

Now poor ole' Joel has no idea how long Mike remembers things, the other day we were moving some stuff out of the house and Joel was carrying, (you guessed it) a cardboard box. I caught him halfway down the walk and said, " Little pal, be careful, you could have been killed!" I said.

"I appreciate so much, you risking your life for me, but we could have called in a hazardous waste team". With that, my beloved little pal says, " Miiiiiiiiiike."

Just Sit Down 

One evening at the dinner table Joel was balking at eating his supper and a great debate ensued. After several excuses he tried the I have to go pee example. "Just as soon as your done your supper, little man", I told him. "But I have to go really, really, bad!" he exclaimed. "Sorry, bud".

After about another 30 minutes went by, Joel finished his supper and went to sit in the front room. "Hey Joel, I thought you had to pee really bad", I said. Not to be outdone, Joel says, "When you're sitting down you don't have to pee". I love how that child's mind works, that excuse, however came back to haunt him.

Every time Joel comes upstairs, racing towards the bathroom I tell him to sit down and he won't have to go. We were in Overwaitea the other day and Joel had to go again. "Just sit down in this aisle, buddy, a guy told me that if you sat down the urge would just go away". His little eyes rolled back in his head and he says, "I think I will go and talk to mom".

The Girl Guides were selling cookies the other day and reminded me of the following:

Lefty's Lesson 

Last year we purchased several boxes of Girl Guide Cookies ( back in the day when I could eat whatever I wanted ) and of course readily shared them with the children. Unbeknownst to us, Joel and Janelle had bought some of their own and didn't want to share them with us. They hid the cookies in their closet downstairs, where they thought they could eat them at their leisure.

My dog Lefty was doing a routine patrol around the house, when he found the cookies. Lefty has no qualms about sharing someone else's food, and he inhaled both boxes, leaving very few crumbs and some ripped up boxes. All in all, it taught the little ones a valuable lesson about sharing, and of course made me laugh.

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